Aidan, Christianity, Felicity Marie, Loss, Motherhood, Pregnancy

Mother’s Day

I remember as a child, I couldn’t wait to celebrate Mother’s Day. I had it all planned out in my head. The day would start with my husband and kids bringing me breakfast in bed, flowers would be delivered that afternoon, and I wouldn’t have to cook or clean at all that day. I never imagined that instead of looking forward to this special day, I would be dreading it. For many women, including myself, this day is a reminder of what we have lost. Two years ago I was suppose to be celebrating my first Mother’s Day, as I was newly pregnant. Instead, I spent that day holed up in my room crying, because my husband and I knew we would never bring our child home from the hospital. My second Mother’s Day, I was pregnant with our son Aidan. While I was very blessed to be carrying a healthy child, I felt as if I could not celebrate that year, because of our previous loss. How was I suppose to celebrate a day all about motherhood, when it was taken from me the year before? This year will be my third Mother’s Day, but first celebrating with our son. While it will be an emotional day as I remember our sweet girl, I will cherish every moment I get to spend with her brother. Even though I wish I could wake up Sunday morning to both my children’s smiling faces, I know Felicity will be watching over me. Two years ago, she made me a mommy. While I do not have her in my arms, I cherish the time I carried her inside of me. Mother’s Day isn’t about the gifts or day off from chores, it is celebrating the role God blessed me with. While one of my children is not here on Earth with me, I would not have become a mother without her being placed in my life, as short as it was. While I plan on celebrating with Aidan, a part of me will be grieving for my daughter. Though Mother’s Day will be an emotional reminder of what I have lost, it is also a day for me to celebrate my little boy who looks up at me in adoration. I am a mom to two children, Felicity and Aidan. I love both of my sweet babies and am so lucky to be their mommy. This role given to me by our Father above, is the greatest calling he could ever ask of me. While I am very thankful, I ask for you to take a moment and pray for all the women in the world who have lost a child and those not able to conceive. Sunday will not be an easy day for us.

Many blessings and love,

Molly

Aidan, Motherhood, Pregnancy

Aidan’s Birth Story

Early on, Nathan and I suspected I wouldn’t reach my due date of September 22nd, 2016. About two weeks before I went into labor with Aidan, I felt a lot of pelvic pressure and could tell he had dropped into position. A few days before Aidan made his appearance, I went to my weekly specialist’s appointment and found out I was already 3 cm dilated and 45% effaced. He made it clear I was not to do any traveling, because Aidan would arrive any day. Unfortunately this meant I had to miss my big sister’s wedding that Saturday. I ended up having really bad back labor the morning of September 4th and started contracting that night. Nathan and I waited until the contractions were about five minutes apart and drove the 50 minutes to the hospital. My biggest fear was going into labor and not having my epidural. God Bless women who do natural birth, I don’t do well with pain. We reached the hospital around 2:30 am and made our way up to labor and delivery. The nurse checked me and told me I was still 3 cm dilated, but was now 75% effaced. They were worried I was just having contractions due to dehydration. The nurse made me drink close to 100 ounces of water and walk the halls for an hour. If I were to dilate more, they would not send me home. After an hour they checked me again and I was at 3 & 1/2 cm. The nurses decided to hook me up to fluids and monitor me for another hour. Another hour passed and I was another cm dilated. Around 7 am we talked to the on call doctor and I was admitted into a delivery room. After calling all of our family members and letting them know Aidan would make his appearance on Labor Day (the irony), I was hooked up to an IV and received my epidural! (Yay!!!) Nathan and I spent the next few hours trying to rest, but the lady next door did not let that happen. She apparently decided to opt out of an epidural and we heard every agonizing moment. We couldn’t help but laugh when she screamed, “it’s stuck!” Around 10 am, I found out the doctor on call was my OBGYN. It was her first day back from her maternity leave. I felt so relieved to have my own doctor deliver Aidan. She had been with me from the start of this pregnancy, along with our specialist doctor and knew about our past loss. Our families made it to the hospital around 1 pm and at 2:00 they were asked to leave the room so I could start to push. The great thing about an epidural, if done right, you feel absolutely nothing. I had no idea when my water broke or when it was time to deliver, until my doctor checked me and said I was 10 cm and Aidan was coming. I was extremely blessed with an easy and pain free delivery. After five minutes of pushing, Bubba was born. 


Unfortunately, he entered into the world in a very dramatic way. Aidan’s umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and he was not making any noise and struggling to breathe. He was placed on my chest long enough for his cord to be cut and then taken to the other side of the room. NICU nurses rushed in to spray oxygen in his face to get him to breathe. Nathan was over with the nurses checking on Aidan, while my nurses and doctor were taking care of me. Those 15 minutes felt like hours. We were so scared something was wrong. Finally, Aidan began to breathe normally and was returned to my arms. 


He never did scream or cry like other babies usually do. Holding our baby boy for the first time, was the most amazing feeling. I could not stop crying as I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. September 5th, 2016 is thus far the happiest day of our lives. Nathan and I are so blessed to have this sweet and loving little boy as our son. I could not ask for a better role, than mommy. Pregnancy after loss is never easy. It is filled with a constant fear, but when you are able to hold your healthy and precious baby in your arms, it makes those anxiety filled days worth it. Aidan is now 7 months old and I cannot believe how time has flown. Everyday with this little boy is a miracle. I cherish every smile, laugh and milestone he reaches. As much as I wish time would stand still, I cannot wait to see the man he grows up to become. Remember Aidan Quinn, “I’ll eat you up, I love you so!”