The Times They Are A Changin’

Wow, I cannot believe I have allowed myself to go almost six months without writing a blog post. It has been a hectic past few months for my family and I. Between Nathan interviewing for several administration positions, putting our house on the market, and starting the process of building our dream home (which we cannot even break ground on until our current house sells), I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath. Now that my boys are finally asleep, I am going to take some time to play catch up with my hundreds of avid followers! (HA HA HA) This post will probably be a lot of jumbled up thoughts, memories and random information that I have been storing in my brain these past few months. So please bare with me. If there are spelling and grammar mistakes, know that I am writing this late at night, because I am finally alone with my thoughts for the first time all day (cue choir of angels singing)!

To sum up the past few months:

Nathan accepted a position as an Assistant Principal at the middle school in our current town, starting next school year. I am so incredibly proud of him! I could write a whole post on how much he does for his current school district and its community, but I will leave that for another time.

We have our home on the market, which is a very exciting but stressful step in our lives. As someone who is OCD when it comes to my home, I have a hard time with strangers walking around my house, just to decide whether they want to maybe make an offer on it. (Umm duh, it is amazing and you definitely want to pay full price for it!) A week ago, we dealt with an incident where one of the couples who viewed our home, had messed with our safe. This made my anxiety skyrocket and I turned into a panic monster about everything that looked to be out of place. Also, while I love having a clean home and do not mind the actual cleaning part, trying to keep it neat and clean for a showing that could pop up at any moment is stressful. I have two little boys named Aidan and Finn who live here. They cannot enter a room without leaving a trail of destruction wherever they go.

My 3 year old, soon to be 4 year old is potty trained!!! (Cue choir of angels singing again). He has also stopped napping, so I have lost that coveted two hours of me time. (Sad violin music starts up). In just the last few months I have seen him grow up so much. He is such a fast learner, has an amazing personality and loves to be active. I swear, both of my boys do not stop moving until their heads hit their pillow at bedtime. Even, then it takes several times to keep them in their room and explain that human beings need sleep to survive. Except moms, because we are superheroes. (Laugh, cry, Laugh, because we all know its the truth). Also, if you are getting annoyed with my little commentary in the parenthesis, you might want to stop reading now. I am on a roll and not stopping anytime soon! Aidan is going to be starting preschool this fall and I am so excited, but emotional at the thought my baby wont be home with me all day anymore. He has recently started coming up to me for random kisses, hugs and to tell me he loves me. Being a mom can be tough, but he sure makes it worth it.

Finley, my little wild child will be two in May. Oh how this child knows how to pull at my heart strings. One minute he is cuddling and giving me kisses and the next he is telling me to go away, only want daddy. Oh the toddler years, they have given me gray hair. Finn Finn or baby Orc Orc as his daddy and I like to call him, is obsessed with tractors. If I had a dollar for every time that child said his baby/toddler phrase, “Go farm, tractor, Papa, GiGi, cow, MOO,” I would be a very rich woman. I honestly believe God laughed when he gave me Finley. I can almost hear Him saying, this child is going to be just like her: emotional, loves sugar, has a temper, needs head and back scratched to calm down, gets hangry, stubborn and ornery as snot. While I will miss having both boys at home all day, I am looking forward to one on one time with Finn and watching him grow as a separate being from his big brother.

This past year I have been a leader in my town’s MOPS group, which I have absolutely loved. This position has allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and be more active within the group. We have such an amazing group of mommas this year. I feel so blessed to have connected with each of them and even strengthen our friendships. Even if I am exhausted, had a tough day with the boys or am dealing with a personal crisis, these ladies lift me up! One momma has helped me grow stronger with Jesus, another momma has helped me to find confidence within myself, a third momma has led me to a healthier lifestyle, and others have just been great listeners or shoulders to cry on when I needed them. (And there have been lots of tears!) As Nathan and I make these next steps toward selling our home and relocating, leaving these ladies is what breaks my heart. While I know we will all have to make an effort to see each other, I know these friendships are life long. I cannot imagine my life without these beautiful women in it. From the bottom of my heart, I am so grateful for my two years in MOPS. I have grown as a woman, a wife, mother, friend and finally a daughter of Christ. He led me to this group, and I am so blessed to have their support and love.

I am sure there are so many other things I could talk about, but the caffeine from my tea has finally worn off. Plus my little monsters will be awake in T-minus 7 hours. If you read all of this, bless you! It means a lot to have friends, family and strangers read my posts. Writing has become such a positive part of my life. Whether it is blog posts, letters to my boys or personal journals, I love being able to open up and share the good, the bad and the ugly of motherhood and life in general. So thank you my millions of followers ;P for taking the time to read about my life!

Love and Blessings,

Molly

Jesus Take the Wheel

In this season of life, I am struggling more with anxiety than I have in a long time. Most days it feels like my life is just a game of Monopoly, where I seem to keep drawing the Go to Jail card: Do not pass go, do not collect $200. The source of this anxiety stems directly from motherhood. I cannot seem to stop my brain from racing with all these worries about my children. I currently have a three year old boy and a 17 month old boy. These children of mine are the greatest pair of boys you will ever meet. (I might be a little biased as their mother!) While they are both adventurers, comedians, builders, cuddlers and natural helpers, they also tend to give me gray hairs and mini panic attacks on a daily basis. Between my three-nager and his attitude, tendency to hurt his baby brother in some way, and just overall toddler behavior; I am dealing with a 17 month old that climbs everything in sight, is a destruction man all by himself and copies everything his big brother does. I feel like I have run a marathon by 9 am everyday! You would think with the constant busyness of our daily lives, I wouldn’t have time to be anxious. Oh how you are wrong. It probably doesn’t help that I have dealt with anxiety since elementary school and am a natural worrier. (Ask my husband, he will tell you my middle name is worrywart!) Every little thing recently has me anxious and worried about my children. Some of these worries are super dramatic and will probably make you laugh, others you will nod and be able to relate.

I didn’t exactly have the perfect childhood, but who does? I grew up with some toxicity in my family, and am triggered by the years of emotional and mental turmoil on a daily basis. My biggest fear right now, is continuing that cycle with my children and causing them to deal with the aftereffects as I have. Now, I recognize I have taken steps in my life to break that cycle and am aware of what choices I need to make as a parent to prevent such an occurrence; I still worry about damaging my children. I get frustrated easily, I lose my temper and can have a short fuse. These are traits I have to be conscious about around my kids. They are only three and 17 months, they don’t understand how everything works. These boys are learning everyday, and even though I have been alive longer, so am I. It is not easy for me to stop this anxiety. (Please picture me running from a huge rolling bolder, just like in Indiana Jones.) I want my children to grow up to be amazing human beings, who can make this world a better place. I would hate for them to deal with the same issues I do, because I fail to take a step back and remind myself these boys need forgiveness and patience, just like adults. This has been the major anxiety weighing down my life.

The next worry is something that has been a struggle ever since we lost Felicity back in July of 2015. I am constantly anxious of losing another child (and my husband, but that could be a whole other blog post!). The fear of a random accident happening to one of the boys, a kidnapping, car accident, or even some sort of sickness is always in the back of my mind. It has made me more of a helicopter parent than I would like to be. I dealt with PTSD after our loss, and it still seems to affect me when it comes to my children. My children are my life. I am a stay-at-home parent, because I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Parenthood is not without these fears. When you have something as special and precious as a child, you want to protect them in every way possible. Even when God has a different plan for them, like he did with our daughter. This doesn’t mean I go without this common fear and daily dose of anxiety over the safety of my boys.

These next worries and anxious thoughts are humorous when I take a step back and think clearly.

1. What if my children turn out to be serial killers? (I really should not have binge watched both seasons of Mindhunter in a week)
2. What if my boys grow up and want nothing to do with me, because I am a girl and they like to spend time with boys, like daddy, Uncle Trevor, Papa and Grandpa?
3. What if they don’t want to cuddle with me when they are older? (I doubt my college student will really want to come home and sit on my lap. Let’s be real, he will need me to do his laundry and make his favorite meal instead.)
4. What if my children are behind in school, because I am not doing enough sensory and learning activities like all the other moms on social media are doing? (Please do not go down that wormhole, it will make you feel like a failure at every turn!)
5. What if they are bullied when they are in school and don’t have a great set of friends, because I didn’t provide enough socialization as toddlers? What if they are the bullies, because I raised little jerks?

And the list could go on and on and on….. I will not bore you with all the other silly anxieties I have as a mother. As the title of this post states, “Jesus Take the Wheel,” I have had to hand these worries over to the only one who can give me the peace I need. Every night after checking on the sleeping terror twins, I lay in bed and talk to God. I hand over these worries and ask him to guide me in being a good mother to these precious yet exhausting beings. I pray he can help ease my anxieties the next day, so they will not overwhelm my thoughts and actions. I would hate for these anxieties to effect the relationship I have with Aidan and Finn. It would destroy me, if my anxieties became their anxieties. At the end of the day, I need to realize I am doing the very best I can as a mother. There is only so much time in the day, and I do not want to spend it worrying it away. This practice of leaving my worries and fears in the hands of our Lord has helped me to find some semblance of peace. I hope if this post hits close to home, you can find peace in knowing you are not alone in dealing with anxiety. I will say a prayer for all you parents dealing with similar anxieties. Remember, it is okay to have these worries, just be mindful that it is not causing an interference in your daily lives. Recognize when you need to talk to someone, whether a spouse, a friend or even a professional.

Love and blessings,

Molly

Wilkerson Recap

If you are an avid reader of my blog, which I know all my friends and family are (no pressure 😜)!!! You might have realized I missed writing a post in February. It has been a crazy and busy last few months, which have flown by. Let me give you a recap of what has been going on in the Wilkerson household.

Finley will turn ten months on the tenth and is into everything. He broke into my china hutch the other day and shattered our crystal wedding flutes. While I was disappointed in their loss, I was so happy neither one of the boys ended up with a scratch on them. There was glass everywhere! Aidan was so distraught and even told us, he was to blame. Which we knew wasn’t true, since he hasn’t messed with the hutch since he was itty bitty. It seems like ten months is the age that my boys decide to explore my china cabinet. Aidan at ten months, broke in and shattered a Tiffany wine glass. I bet the person who came up with the saying “this is why we can’t have nice things” was a mother of boys! Anyway, Finn is currently climbing everything and walking from furniture to person with minimal falls! My baby is almost a toddler! WHERE IS THE PAUSE BUTTON??? He has also decided to be done nursing, so we are formula feeding with a mix of cows milk. Which was an easy decision, since I went through mastitis for the fourth time in nine months with him. Finley has been team no sleep since day one, and I am just dreaming of the day when I will get a solid eight hours. He is such a happy and adventurous little boy, and he absolutely adores his big brother!

Everyone in the house has gone through a round or two of fighting a cold, flu, or sinus infection. Unfortunately, I seem to keep getting the worst of it. I’m sick of being sick! No pun intended. With the help of an amazing new friend and health coach, I have been taking a probiotic regiment that will help realign my gut health and overtime help to eliminate some of my physical and mental health issues. I have been trying to decrease the sugar in my diet, increase my water intake and do more yoga when I have time. I am really looking forward to warm weather, where my boys and I can get back to our daily walks. I also started a journal to my boys for when they are older. It contains words of wisdom, my favorite memories of them and some passages from the Bible, I hope will guide them as they grow up.

Nathan has been working so hard at his first year as a principal. There are days he goes into work at 7 am and doesn’t get home till 10:30 pm. Despite his exhaustion he still makes time for family. As soon as he is home, he gets down on the floor and plays with the boys. He makes sure to be home in time to have dinner as a family on the nights he doesn’t supervise. As soon as the boys are in bed, he makes sure we have a chance to talk or watch a show together. This man has gone through a huge adjustment this year in the work category and has been pushing through every obstacle that comes his way. It hasn’t been easy for him or our family finding a balance this past year, but we sure are proud of this hardworking man of ours. The past few months, he has made sure to plan some dates for us to have quality time. Thanks to my wonderful in-laws, we were able to have a date night out!

Aidan has grown so much in these last few months. He is two and a half and is the smartest kid I have ever met! (Yes, I know I am his mother and all parents think their kid is a genius, but for real this child is going places.) He is a talker and is so funny. Aidan picks up on concepts the first time he is shown something. He loves to learn, especially about space and dinosaurs. If there was a book about a dinosaur in space, he would be over the moon! (See what I did there?) He can remember something that was said, two weeks ago in passing. We have been potty training, which has not been easy. He had gone without having a poop accident for two weeks, until he dealt with the stomach flu and then we were back to square one. Most days he does really well and has only one or two accidents. Some days, I just want to stick a diaper back on him and be done with it. He is a very strong willed boy and does not want to wear diapers unless it is night time. So we have a big stock of underwear and laundry detergent. He also wants to wash his hands all by himself! How this boy of mine has grown! Again, PAUSE BUTTON!

Anyway, these last few months have been filled with illnesses, health changes, workload increase and sleep and potty training. While we have been very busy and are dealing with a lack of sleep, I would say this year has kicked off to a crazy start. We have some great changes occurring and I cannot wait to see the results in our day to day lives! I hope you enjoyed my Wilkerson recap!

Love and blessings,

Molly

A Letter to My Boys

Aidan and Finley,

The moment you both entered into our world, were two of the best days of our lives. Holding you for the first time, changed me in ways you will never understand. You make me so incredibly happy to be your momma. It has scared me bringing you into a world that seems filled with such cruelty and destruction. I look around and I am afraid of all the what ifs that could happen as you grow up. As a mother, all I ever want for you is a life filled with happiness, health and love. I pray you find the good in this world and you help spread the compassion and love I have seen in you since day one. My boys, you are the greatest treasures I could have ever found. When I look at your smiling faces, I know your daddy and I won the jackpot having you both as our sons. I never expected I would be a “boy mom,” but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Each day is a new adventure with my little explorers. Not only do we discover fun things to do together, but I learn more and more about each of you. Aidan you have such an amazing personality. You make me laugh everyday. You are also as ornery as your father and both grandpas. Finley, your smiles and laugh can light up a room. When you see your big brother coming, you beam with delight. I can already tell, that you both will bring happiness to all those around you. Your bond as brothers has been inseparable since the beginning and I truly believe you will grow to be best friends. Though you are still young, your daddy and I already know you will both do great things in this world. My boys, you are the reason for life itself. You have made me realize my destiny has always been to be a mother. Your mother! God has given your daddy and I the greatest gifts. I write this letter, so that on the bad days we can remember that each day is a fresh start. I also want to remind you both and myself, that to see the good in this world, we have to be the good. That means to show kindness to everyone, even those who have hurt you in the past. Always forgive those who have hurt you. Most times, it is unintentional and that person hasn’t been shown any kindness. Also, forgive yourselves for the mistakes you make. We are all human and have to have grace with ourselves. Remember, to always do your best in all areas of life. Working hard will only bring about positivity and blessings in your lives. Respect and honesty are important in all relationships. Make sure you show it and receive it. Finally, God and family should always come first. They are the ones who will always be there for you. The love and support you will find is endless. Your dad and I pray that you remember these lessons through your walk of life. It will not always be an easy road. You will face struggles, no matter what paths you take. We will always be here to support you and give you advice. I will never turn down a hug or a snuggle session on the couch. As you grow older, our love for you both only grows stronger. Never doubt the love we have for you. My boys, I truly cannot wait to see the men you become. I know you will both lead remarkable lives and I am so proud of you both! Your mommy and daddy love you to the moon and back!

Love momma

Life Changes

To say my life has changed these past six weeks is an understatement. I have had to relearn how to care for a newborn, while chasing after a rambunctious toddler. As if that wasn’t enough of a challenge, add in Nathan starting his new job as a principal. While Nathan works a nine hour day, my day consists of about 20 diaper changes, 10-15 toddler tantrums, 8-12 feedings and lots of snuggles between the two boys. I have never felt so exhausted, yet so happy in my life. While this season has been filled with lots of changes and we have had to quickly adapt to them, our family continues to be blessed. In the span of one month our lives got a whole lot crazier.

We all seem to be handling the changes differently. Nathan as always, handles anything thrown his way with ease and grace. He is such a wonderful father to our boys and has been a big help to me around the house, despite working a new job. Aidan is 100% toddler. He goes from being extremely affectionate to his little brother, to wanting anything Finley is using. Aidan is definitely having to learn how to share toys and mommy and daddy’s attention. While it hasn’t been any easy adjustment for him, he is an amazing big brother to Finn and absolutely adores helping his “bubba.”

Out of everyone, I think I have had the hardest time adjusting to all the changes in our little family. Since I am a stay at home mom, I am with the boys 24/7. It has not been easy trying to balance raising a toddler and a newborn, while trying to keep the house running. I have had to change the expectations I have always set for myself. Rather than keeping an immaculate home and having a gourmet meal on the table, my focus is making lasting memories with my boys. I have also had to learn to be more patient with Aidan, as he adjusts to these changes as well. Each day has its own personal challenges, but I know God would not have given me anything I couldn’t handle.

While these changes haven’t been easy, they have been full of adventure and joy. Our family has truly been blessed these past six weeks. I am one lucky woman to have three such wonderful guys in my life. I cannot wait for Nathan and I to watch our two little boys grow up and see all the other changes God has planned for us!

Love and blessings,

Molly